Why I Fear for My Child’s Safety (by Amy Koné)

Amadou, Zana, and Amy. [image description: A Black family poses on a couch. The dad wears a black & white plaid shirt, the son wears a colorful striped shirt, and the mom wears a gray shirt, her hair pulled back into a bun.]

We must end police violence against Black Americans, and against all people of color, and people with disabilities. The U.S. House of Representatives recently passed the George Floyd Justice in Policing Bill of 2021, which, if enacted, would ban chokeholds and end qualified immunity for police officers. Police violence affects communities of color disproportionately. Data from Mapping Police Violence shows that about a third of those who died in police custody were Black. 

Police violence also has a disproportionate effect on the disabled community--estimates suggest that between 25 and 50 percent of those killed in police custody had a disability. Autistic children and adults are especially vulnerable to police violence due to the common behavior of elopement, which is wandering off to escape anxiety, overwhelming sensory stimuli, or to simply seek out enjoyment such as interesting places or the sensation of running. 

Little Lobbyists Zana’s mom, Amy Koné, explains why she and her husband Amadou fear for their son, a Black Autistic five-year-old. (Zana calls his daddy “DaHee”):

Hiya village.

This one is deep. Like you might need a tissue deep.

 Amadou works outside for a living. He is in a lot of neighborhoods and sees a lot of things.

Today he was in the right place, at the right time.

A little four-year-old boy escaped his house and was running down the street. Amadou pursued him and was able to return him safely home.

So Zana’s DaHee is a superhero!

DaHee would not agree. He would say “I was just taking care of a little kid” and that when he saw this little boy he saw our Zana. 

I am sharing this story because as a parent to a child with Autism, Amadou knew elopement when he saw it. (It is different from a child who is a runaway.)

I also am sharing this story to try to bring some awareness to our society. 

First, If Zana were to ever elope I would NEVER call the police. I am a Black woman, married to a Black man, looking for a little Black boy. We are all three targets. 

I’ll let that sink in.

Our being Black is not surprising to anyone, but I mention it because I need people to appreciate how persistent tensions between the blue people and citizens impact us. I’m sure not all of the blue people are shady but I simply cannot take a chance.

Second, the poor mother was in a state of denial/shame. Amadou shared our story with her and now she knows she is not alone.

The stigma of having a child on the spectrum is sometimes so heavy that parents prefer to not address the condition at all.

Folks, the pressure is at times immense.

I cry myself to sleep many a night despite my acceptance of Zana’s diagnosis from the very beginning (his diagnosis was a relief to me because I could FEEL that something was different).

I can only imagine the storm brewing in a Black parent in denial AND facing the responsibilities of caring for a child on the spectrum.

There are many bright spots of being a parent to a child with Autism. One of them is that our little Zana is a sensory seeker. Extreme behavior makes him ecstatic; he feels ALIVE when he is living on the edge.

Since DaHee loves sports, the two of them have an extra deep bond. Zana loves to be thrown all around.

Folks, let me remind you that hubs is 6’5” and frequently mistaken for a pro football player. Imagine a man this big flinging your 55 lb. “baby” through the air, only to have him land safely on a mattress.

And both are filled with glee. 

I’m thankful Zana has his DaHee.

And that Zana’s DaHee can dig deep (all athletes understand this) when he is absolutely spent from a day of working outside in unpredictable weather to rough house with Zana.

Thanks, as always, for listening and caring about us. This village is phenomenal.

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Amy Koné is parent to a child with Autism and a member of Little Lobbyists. She currently resides in her hometown, Baltimore MD, with her husband and son. Their family now spans three continents, five countries, and an ever growing circle of friends.